While I sat in the hospital Christmas Eve, I wrote this deep dive into how I got here. If you are considering the TPAIT surgery, you may recognize yourself. For the past two years, I have struggled with horrid back and stomach pain from time to time. I had multiple procedures done but we always found nothing wrong with my stomach/intestines. The doctors concluded that I had nerve damage, and I was just going to have to live with the pain. I often pushed through the pain so that I could have a sense of normalcy in my life. However, second semester of my freshman year, I found myself in such a great amount of pain that I was unable to push through it anymore. The pain was consistent and grueling, but I am getting ahead of myself.
The fall of my freshman year, college went really well. I got to feel like a normal student my age. I was no longer the sick girl (I relished in that fact). I was exploring my identity, who I was outside of my family and health. I was able to have a new freedom, and I loved it! I still couldn’t completely keep up with my peers ( I was never in perfect health), but I loved being around people my age. As you can see below, I had a great time with friends!
However, at the start of last December, I started to have more trouble. I started getting tired a lot faster than normal. If I stayed up late one night, the rest of the week would be extremely challenging. As December (2019) turned into January(2020) and January into February, my condition worsened. I was in constant pain, and it was only getting worse. I was waking up at night in horrible pain. This pain increased to point where I could hardly walk. After having stomach pain for the past two years, I assumed I was going into another Ulcerative Colitis flare. However, I did notice something different. The pain was radiating to my back. I had back pain often the past two years, but the pain never got this horrible. I ended up calling my mom and begging her to come and get me. I was in so much pain I did not go to my classes. She took me to the ER, and the ER doctor agreed that I was probably having a flare but he decided to run basic labs (just in case) before they released me. He came back quickly and said that in fact it was not a flare of my Ulcerative Colitis. It was this conditioned called Pancreatitis. He said that I needed to get imaging done and get admitted to the hospital. Little did I know, that on February 28, 2020, the longest, hardest, and loneliest journey was beginning for me.
This road I have been on isn’t always a happy one. I get frustrated and angry about my situation sometimes. I have asked God why he chose to put this on me after all that I have already dealt with. I don’t know the all the answers to my questions, but I do know that I am not in this alone. If I didn’t believe in God, I am not sure where I would be or how I would survive. God provided me with wonderful support system at home that has carried me when I felt I could not keep going on. I’m not offering a picture perfect relationship with Christ because my relationship with him is far from perfect (I have gotten mad at him for allowing these horrible situations to occur again and again). But, I can say through grace given by the Father, I can keep carrying on. His plans are greater than the ones I can see for myself. He offers me mercies all through this journey.
Next post will talk about where I’m headed. To stay up-to-date with these post, subscribe with your email!